5 weeks you existed, and I only knew you for around 1.
Another week along and we would have been able to hear your heart beating. I'm not sure if I'm relieved or not that it didn't get to that point, and then have us lose you anyway...
Stomach has been sore and achy all day. Not like the cramps, but an 'ugh' feeling :/
I miss you, Baby V.
Your sisters were heartbroken to hear of your loss today. They said what I keep thinking: I don't want the baby to be gone.
It's my strongest feeling, thought, and wish.
I want you alive and growing where you should be. Getting bigger and more developed by the day.
I know it's no one's fault that you are gone, but I can't help, but be upset still.
You were, and always will be, my sweet baby.
My darling Gemini.
I truly hate when I cannot control things in my life.
Especially this.
I want you back so damn bad. More than anything in the world.
I wish we had gotten a miracle, but it just wasn't meant to be. I know we were lucky to have you at all.
I've been reaching out to other mommies of angel babies like you. It's helped me more than I thought it would. I know that I am not alone in this struggle to survive.
I know that telling myself you're not gone won't make it true. Denial is pointless. The pain is a harsh reality.
Hoping I can shower in the morning so I feel more like myself. Wanted to tonight, but it's been such a long day...
Laying in bed trying not to hurt anymore, physically. Emotionally? A part of me went with you and will never fully return.
Mommy will be okay, someday :/
I love you, Baby V.
Be happy and safe and healthy, wherever you are now, my precious angel.
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